I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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