every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
