are you so shy because you have an std?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
