Where is the hickey?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
