Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
