My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
