with your own penis?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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