Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
