Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
