quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
