i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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