Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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