So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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