This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
