cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
