There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
