dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
