i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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