He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
