Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
