i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
