She's JV to your varsity
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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