After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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