I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
