My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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