the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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