Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
