do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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