happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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