you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
