We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
