I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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