If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
