id be glad to
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
