I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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