my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
