tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
