he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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