I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
