I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
