i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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