Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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