nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
