ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
