Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
