you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
