I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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