i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
