she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
