Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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