I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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